This may come as a shock. It came as a shock to me. I won't be doing track this year. You have no idea how tough it was for me to get to this point. The past week or so I've been basically depressed. Since the beginning of this whole thing, I've been asking God to open doors that need to be opened and to close doors that need to be closed. When He said yes to me doing track, I thought for sure He meant this year. I mean, why would I wait? What would the point be? But when doors started to close all around me, I began to think again. First of all, the missions pastor at church told me the church wasn't able to support me. Then my parents said they couldn't buy my plane ticket until all my funds were in. This put a damper on the whole visa situation, since you have to have a ticket to get a visa. People who had wanted to contribute all of a sudden couldn't because of different situations in their lives.
    So, a few days ago, I started to seriously pray about not going this year. When God said that was right, I was so upset. I cried for a few days. I really really didn't want that to be the answer. I asked Him for confirmation. He gave me so much confirmation, every single day. So much so that I couldn't ignore it.
    You don't even know how much I wanted to go this year. I prayed and prayed for God to let this be the year, but it's not. He has a different plan for me than I have for myself, but His is much much better. He has given me a peace about waiting. It's okay with me now. I won't be able to go with all those people I love, but soon there will be more people I'll love. I still don't really know the reasons why, but He does. That's all I can take comfort in right now. He's still going to do incredible things. I'm glad to have more time with my family before I go. This time will give me more opportunities for fundraising and saving up money. It'll give me time to tell more people around here about social injustice.
     Who knows what God has in store for this next year? I have a feeling He's going to do some pretty incredible things here in Seattle. I have a feeling He's still going to do some pretty incredible things through my dear friends all over the world.
     My plan for now is just to find a job and work full-time until next January. Let me know if you know of anything. I'll still be fundraising and finding supporters to partner with me. I'd like to get involved in some ministries around here as well. We'll see what Jesus brings up.

This whole fundraising thing is crazy. I know God is going to work it all out, but it is SO difficult waiting for it all to happen. Also, my parents don't want me buying the plane ticket until I have all my support. Plus, I can't apply for a visa for Brazil until I have my flight booked. I met with the missions pastor at church on wednesday and he told me the church can't support me because they only support missionaries who are planting churches. Needless to say, I've sort of had a few freaking out moments when I just can't handle it anymore. Moments of breaking into tears because I just don't know if I can do it. But it's the small things Jesus gives me that refresh me and keep me going.

The realization that I can't do it. But He can.

New financial supporters.

A lovely visit to my best friend in the freezing cold of Ellensburg.

Christmas music. It is not too early.

Laughing with my sisters until we can't breathe and start to cry.

Psalm 34.

A conversation about Haiti with a person who actually knows Haiti.

Soy Chai.

Wind storms and flickering lights.


Please let me know as soon as you can if you'd like to support me financially. I basically need to know by December 1. I'm $1,190 away from my goal right now and every little bit helps more that you could ever know. If you can only give $5 a month, great! I'd also love your prayers whenever you think of me. I need strength to get through this time and to trust in the Lord.

Yesterday, a cholera outbreak started in St. Marc. It has killed at least 135 people and effected many others. Please be praying for the people there, the St. Marc base and the teams that are helping out right now. BBC wrote a story about it here. Here is a blog post from one of the team members in Haiti from Kona right now. Please just be in prayer for the Haitian people right now. They've already been through so much and this is just another thing to get in the way of a quicker recovery. I don't even know what to say right now except that we all need to be in prayer for them more than ever. That is all we can do.

     

  Being home is so good. Even if it rains all the time and none of my clothes fit anymore and I'm always so cold I feel like my toes are going to fall off. It's great to just be able to hang out with my family and watch movies and cook dinner and just be together. God is so faithful to carry out what he tells us. When I was in Haiti, God told me not to stress out about getting a job or making a bunch of money for track. He told me to focus on serving my family and showing them his love. So that's what I've been trying to do. I mean, honestly, it's hard not to stress about it sometimes. It's $30,000. How could I not. But then I realize that God has it all under control and he's going to provide. Why should I worry? What's the point?
Someone gave me a verse right before I left hawaii and it's been such a blessing. It's Philippians 4:4-7.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Such an encouragement, yeah? I love it. Though you might too.
The Lord has really been providing for me. I don't have any money right now. Seriously, I have $7.09 in savings. So my family has been giving me little things that are the biggest help in the world. My sister bought me a pair of jeans the other day and this morning I woke up to $4 from my mommy for a coffee at starbucks. She's so sweet. You don't even know how happy it made me. Plus, random people have been emailing me about photo sessions. People I don't even know. It's so great! I know that Jesus is providing for my every need. He is always faithful.


So my plan for today:
Chiropractor Appointment (you have no idea how messed up my back is from sleeping on the ground)
Starbucks (I'm thinking half white mocha half pumkin spice with no whip and extra foam. mmmmmm)
Grocery Shopping (I cook dinner monday-friday now. It's so much fun!!)
Dinner (Salmon with lemon herb sauce and mediterranean chickpea salad. Come over if you want some.)
Family time.
Jesus time.
Sleep.